Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dicks are not precious.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
