I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
