VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
