census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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