It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry about my life...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
