Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
