Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i out mim tonsoeep
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
