Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
