it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
