I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
