Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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