At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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