Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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