dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
