If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
