the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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