I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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