Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
