Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
