An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
