what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
