Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
