It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
