it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
