peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
