i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
