Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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