my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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