Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
