I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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