i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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