apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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