my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
