I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
