i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
