I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
