Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
