this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
