and she was petting her beer can
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
