I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
