nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
