I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
