I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize