Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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