Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
