I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
