There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
