Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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