I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
