Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
