I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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