So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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