I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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