Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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