It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
