i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you inspire me to be a worse person
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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