Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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