My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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