You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
