is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i've created a new STD.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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