I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
