If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
