Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
