four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
