she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
