so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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