you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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